This book reminds me a bit of my last job. I was always hardworking, earnest, hated making mistakes, always organizing my space to try to stay on top of everything. My boss came across as laid back, relaxed, always having fun. I realized over time that he was really hardworking, understood how all our processes worked, but he never really showed that side of himself to others. When reading about characters like Sebastian being buttoned up, and needing control, or Jordan, pushing casual and laid back to an extreme, they are both masks. So I wonder, as I’m just starting to read Irresistible Tension, what’s behind each of their masks.
I believe Sebastian wouldn’t feel so strongly about Jordan, let him get under his skin, if he wasn’t attracted to him. You can feel him fighting this attraction, not letting himself consider it. When they are stuck sharing a room Jordan suggests they play “Truth or Dare” Sebastian doesn’t ignore the idea, he chooses dare. The kiss that follows affects them both more then they are willing to acknowledge. Another kiss is a secluded hallway, more passion, masks starting to slip, Sebastian still fighting to maintain control. At this point in the book I’m wondering what in Sebastian’s past requires him to maintain tight control? It’s like he’s afraid to let anyone in, let his guard down. Did someone hurt him deeply? What’s he afraid of losing if he let’s someone in?
When Jordan tells Seb “…you’re so afraid of making a mistake that you’ve forgotten how to live.” Wow! That really cuts right to it. Oh my, finding out why Sebastian is so walled off, it’s heartbreaking. Jordan trying to reach him, break through his barriers, feels so raw. Each time they kiss it’s more intense, more passionate, and it kicks Sebastian’s fear up another notch.
I won’t give too much away, but reading this book, learning each man’s background, makes me think of the way so many of us go through life. When we get hurt by those who should be our protectors, it sits deep. It builds walls that can close us off for decades. It’s hard to open up and trust when you don’t even know what that is. You can long for connection, yet be terrified of crossing the divide.
When Jordan says to Sebastian “Even when you think you’re hiding, I’ve always seen you.” That hits deep. Isn’t that what we all want, to be seen by those we care about?
Bonus story: Irresistible Tension – Wild Card
Reading about Jordan and his father, it makes me think how for anyone with independent thought, how being pressured ends up pushing you away from what you are being pushed to do. It’s like you can’t breathe, you need to get away to be yourself.
Jordan choosing to become ungovernable…I love it! The decision Jordan had to make, success or honesty…I wonder how many people make the wrong choice.
Jordan’s story has me thinking of all the ways parents can make your choices about them. I love what this background story reveals about Jordan. Kat is a fun character too, always nice to get a glimpse of a strong woman.
Ryan’s bonus stories are must reads and so worth signing up for his newsletter.